Thursday, April 9, 2015

How adulthood is slowly steeping into my life

When I check a guy out, I look at his left ring finger. I didn't have to worry about this before.

The thing I most look forward to at the beginning of each day is the end of that same day when I can be back in bed to fall asleep. I wearily groan at the number of hours left in the day before this can happen.

I've started noticing age thresholds and requirements. 24 years old max for Miss America pageant? 25 years minimum to rent a car without all the excessive fees? 26 years old max to be under my parent's health insurance? 25 years old minimum to be a House Representative? 30 years old minimum to be a Senator? 35 years old minimum to be a president? That's ridiculously young. Wasn't there a time when I thought 35 was incomprehensibly old? Also, the demographic surveys that ask for your age in range intervals... You're either 17-24 or 25-33 or 34-45 or 46-55 or just plain old "55+". What the fuck.

I find myself actually laughing at 'jokes' that 'older people' tell in speeches and meetings and at the office. Is my sense of humor fading with my youth?

I have an Excel spreadsheet with a budget plan, delegating my money down to the dollar for car insurance, renters insurance, rent, phone bill, cable, electricity, groceries, savings (yeah right), lunches, and "other expenses" for the next six months, denoting when I get paid, when I can expect extra income, and when I can expect to maybe get caught speeding and have to pay off a ticket.

I monitor my credit score.

Anybody 16 and younger disgusts me with their rude manners and tactlessness and stunted social skills and dependency on technology.

I don't know any of the new pokemon. Not even the starters. Not even the region. Is Ash Ketchum still the protagonist on the show? Or is it a new guy?

There are 'listicles' coming out about the decade I grew up in.

I am suddenly very aware of my fertility and the fact that I am, indeed, not getting any younger. I start half-considering freezing my eggs, or maybe even selling them. I then start considering whether I want kids at all.

I get excited about savings, discounts, coupons, and deals.

I have more business/formal clothing and dresses than casual clothing. And I like it.

I play around with facial expressions in the mirror to see if I have any new wrinkles.

I pay attention to commercials and infomercials.

I say "when I was your age" to my friends' younger siblings and to my cousins' kids.

I'm actually not completely terrified to network and socialize with people in a professional setting. I don't know when it happened, but I suddenly have the confidence and self-assurance to talk to people without panicking or feeling awkward.

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